Happy New Year everyone!
I wish everyone a wonderful 2020 and beyond. This year has definitely been a roller coaster of emotions. It started off with excitement and nervousness. Moving back to LA was a dream come true. I knew the move would be hard on my husband, but I never imagined the toll it would take on me.
Moving to LA challenged my marriage, family, career path, and my own expectations of myself. Let’s face it, you never imagine you will move back into your parents’ home after getting married and owning a home. But we did that to save money for a down payment on our next place. I’m very lucky that my husband and parents get along, but everyone’s space was smaller and the need to entertain or be a good “guest” was hard. I will get into this in another post, but I have in some ways a traditional outlook on my role in the larger family. I have firm ideas about what being a good daughter and granddaughter looks like.
Along with co-habitation with my parents, I was looking at my next career move. What kind of work did I want to pursue? I was/am lucky enough to work for the same company I did in Sacramento. I just work remotely. I have been very driven to move up the corporate ladder and have been frustrated when I do not have a clear path forward. Now that thought process was changing. What did I want my career to look like? Do I want a job where my voice is heard? Or do I want to clock out at the same time everyday and focus on family and having fun? I am still struggling with these questions, but it’s easier to struggle with them when they are the only questions.
One of my goals for 2020 is updating the expectations I have for myself. One human can only do so much. This year I had breaking points that profoundly scared me. I was fearful of my thoughts and where I was headed. I am grateful that I recognized the dark path I was going on and have taken positive steps to combat those thoughts and fears. This year I will make sure I am in tune with where I am, look at the goals I am setting, and check in to make sure these goals are achievable.
Be kind to yourself as I am trying to be with myself and once again Happy New Year!